The Risk and Persistence of Veronica Grey

Veronica Grey (aka Fysche)

Veronica Grey (aka Fysche) was invited to write a piece for the Northstar Thinktank on how Risk and Persistence lead to Success.

The following piece serves well as an introduction to the brand new Book
’220: S I F T I N G
The Alien Battle Royale
or
How we met the Spirit of Kurt Cobain.’

“Thank you for inviting Thoughts on Risk and Persistence:

I am now a ‘serious’ entrepreneur and artist, successfully running our not-for-profit Eternal Youth Empire in between acting and writing novels.

In my younger days of frivolity, I used to be ‘madly in love’ with the lead singer of the band Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Corgan.

Now, how many people have a ‘crush’ on a famous celebrity, but never take the risk of meeting them and persist on building a relationship?

What did I do? I took risks to put myself in situations where I might get a chance to actually talk to him, not just be a face in the audience. For example many bands do special appearances where they sign memorabilia or attend charity events where they talk to individuals.

The first time Billy and I spoke face to face was in 1999 at the House of Blues Grammy’s afterparty in Hollywood. Mind you, this was 5 years after my first Smashing Pumpkins concert in 1994 – Lollapalooza in Carson, CA.

Talk about persistence!

I made sure any time Billy did something special where he would have time to chat with his fans, ie, his book signing in San Francisco in October 2004, I was there.

After some time, he recognized my face, and remembered my name, which, by the way, he would never call me “Fysche.” Only Veronica. By 2002, after 8 years of attending events and persisting, I was actually placed on their guest lists, invited by his best friend and drummer, Jimmy Chamberlin. Now, attending their shows were a fun obsession. It never felt like ‘working towards a goal.’

We also believe that when you place an intention out there – the Universe randomly helps you and aligns things in your favor, such as being serendipitously invited, in 2002, to a Thanksgiving dinner at a new friend’s house, where by chance, Jimmy also came. This gave me a real opportunity to get to know a member of the band in an intimate setting, and forge a relationship that lead to invites, and guest lists:

In 2000 I had paid $1305.00 to get into the Pumpkins’ final show when they broke up that time and just a few years later I got to go on a magical group fishing trip in the Florida Keys with Cabaret Metro owner Joe Shanahan, who not only launched the Pumpkins’ career, but had a hand in the relationship between Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. Suddenly I became privy to cool insider information.

By 2005, during a trip to Amsterdam, 11 years after my first Smashing Pumpkins Show, Billy himself finally began to put my name on his own personal guest List, which was f*$cking awesome, since it often was the only name on the list. We made jokes with his manager Gooch about how ‘the girl who used to get kicked out for trying to sneak backstage’ now gets to go to dinner before the show with the band.

Do you know what it takes to ‘befriend’ a celebrity? They have a wall of people around them. Pass their muster, and then just maybe you will get to the star himself. All along the way, they can sniff out anyone who ‘has an agenda.’ And they are extremely paranoid and suspicious of all newcomers.

My tactic was to simply show up faithfully and let my silent energy speak for itself. I wanted nothing from Billy except to be with him. I was not looking to ride on his coattails or exploit his fame and wealth. And even though I had none of the usual attributes rock stars go far: ie I was not a supermodel by any means nor super famous, I was (am) dedicated, sincere, and persistent, and did not care that I risked traveling around the world on a ‘maybe.’ That is about the number one thing that made me stand out from any of his admirers who may have been more beautiful, successful, or accomplished than I was.

We went on to have a unique friendship that touched my life profoundly and changed my world forever, especially since I unintentionally became the muse for some of his songs from 2001 to 2008 and the present. I do not take credit for this in any way at all since every artist needs material and will draw from whatever is around. I just happened to make myself around. A lot.

That was a very cool by-product. All my focus was on getting to be with Billy; I never once dreamt he would ever write a single song For me or about me. That is why in the song “7 Shades of Black” he calls me “without suspicion” because I simply had no clue.

That is another thing about Risk and Persistence – surprise rewards along the way that can feel better than anything one could imagine. Imagine having your favorite singer write a song about you and not tell you – Imagine your surprise when you first hear it randomly on the radio and you know it is about you because of specifically coded words. That is a one in a million feeling. Imagine being in the live audience and having that song sung directly to you, after years of humility from having to stand in line just to say one word to the person.

There are several songs Billy wrote quasi-inspired by me; my favorite is the atypical ‘Love / Hate’ Song ’7 Shades of Black’ off their recent #1 album ‘Zeitgeist’ where Billy teases me for my alternative writing style in lyrics that sing ‘Sister, Can’t You Spell?’

But to give you an honest look at the way Billy first viewed me, check out the lyrics in the song ‘Wasting Time’ during his days fronting the band Zwan. ‘Wasting Time’ actually made it to the soundtrack of the film ‘Spun.’ From the title alone, one can see it took quite a bit of magic to have whatever it is we had, evolve.

For 13 years, I risked making a fool of myself looking like a ‘groupie’ showing up all around the world, from Copenhagen to Chicago, acting like I just ‘happened’ to be in the area ‘playing it cool,’ and my persistence paid off.

Because I wanted him to see that I was not some weirdo fan, not once, in 46 shows, did I ever agree to take a photo with him … not even when we became personal friends and hung out alone. However, I have photos with his dad and other band members. Just for some reason, my intuition said if I took photos with Billy, I would be like all the other girls. So I never did. Because I have nothing to prove.

By 2007, when my German Publisher Lautsprecherverlag wanted to throw a party for us, it was Billy’s turn to return the honor and attend an event helmed by ‘my people’ after 13 years of me showing up for him. It was there in Berlin that I got to befriend the new lineup of the Band – Lisa Harriton, Ginger Reyes, and Jeff Schroeder, which facilitated me traveling on and off the Zeitgeist Tour in 2007.

Without divulging too many more personal details, because I am now happily married to someone else, Risking and Persisting in my personal life gave me the most fun and exciting period of my existence.

Even though Billy and I did not turn out the way I had intended or the way he lead on for that matter, I am infinitely better and stronger as a person for the experience. It was definitely about the journey; not the destination. We are both still on our journies actually; there is no destination.

Anyone who wants to know what happened to us (or did NOT happen with us – as the case truly is,) his newest song ‘G.L.O.W.’ possibly sheds insight. We have Zero plans for any Future Embrace, but we have made our indelible mark on each other and in the realm of music.

My side of the story is now out in a book titled, ’220: S I F T I N G
The Alien Battle Royale
or
How we met the Spirit of Kurt Cobain.’
It is published by Turner Maxwell Books.

Thank you for inviting us to share and for indulging us by reading.

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Tagged as: 220, 7 Shades of Black, Billy Corgan, Courtney Love, Eternal Youth Empire, Future Embrace, Fysche, G.L.O.W., Ginger Reyes, Jeff Schroeder, Jimmy Chamberlin, Joe Shanahan, Kurt Cobain, Lautsprecherverlag, Lisa Harriton, Smashing Pumpkins, Spun, Turner Maxwell Books, Veronica Grey, Zeitgeist, ZWAN